All You Have To Do Is Ask
Asking for the things you want, or the things you need, can be scary.
I’m not exactly sure why that is, but I constantly try to remind myself to ask––despite the fear. If I don’t get my needs met, I’m no worse off that I was before I asked, but now I know the answer and can move forward appropriately. With that in mind, I have a little anecdote for you…
Several years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic condition. The road to this diagnosis was long and frustrating, and along the way I was placed on a super strict diet. And I mean STRICT. Think Paleo times ten. It was virtually impossible for me to eat out, and as much as I can make my way around a kitchen, sometimes I just wanted a break from the chore of meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking.
I was so relieved to find a local chain that specialized in farm-to-table eats in a low key cafe setting. Despite an overall friendly menu, I still had to be “that girl” and ask how everything was prepared––down to what oils were used. Everything was grilled with canola oil (not the worst of the oils, but far from the best), which was on my doctor ordered “do not eat” list. I walked out of the restaurant dejected and with all hope shattered. I was starving, and a solid thirty minutes from home.
On the subway, I got to thinking…canola oil didn’t really jive with the farm-to-table ethos, and for a company so transparent with how and where they sourced their food, it seemed incongruent. I was so frustrated by the time I got home, I felt the need to speak my mind. I went on the company’s website and fired off a polite yet direct message, detailing my grievance. I never expected my message to make it to anyone of importance, nonetheless I needed to be heard.
About a month or so later, I got a response. The head of food operations wanted me to know she’d read my email and did a little digging into why the restaurant used canola oil. Turns out it’s not only good for its neutral flavor, it’s cheap to stock. However, upon further contemplation she and her team agreed that there were options that better aligned with the restaurants overall values. I was told as soon as the various locations exhausted their current supply of canola, they would be switching to olive and sunflower oils. The restaurant’s representative actually thanked me for helping them to improve.
Several months later I stopped back in, and sure enough, no more canola oil!
Moral of the story: ask, and (sometimes without much effort) you shall receive. I know full well it’s not always this easy. In fact most of the time, it’s far from this easy. But, if you never ask for what you need, you never have a shot at getting it. And if you do get a “no,” you’re no worse off that you were before you asked.
I remind myself of this story, when I’m up against a difficult or uncomfortable ask. It helps take whatever stakes out of the equation and distill it down into a simple question and answer. You may come off as “that girl,” but you won’t be a hungry girl anymore ;)